


Remember

by JoyfullyDreadful



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Angst, Author Projecting, But they get better, Depression, Kind of happy ending, Langst, Sad Lance (Voltron), Self Harm, Sleep Deprivation, Starvation, Voltron, and they help, im a slut for langst, me venting, no betas we die like men, the team tries, they kind of make it worse at first
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-23
Updated: 2019-07-23
Packaged: 2020-07-11 14:09:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,706
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19929337
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JoyfullyDreadful/pseuds/JoyfullyDreadful
Summary: Lance can't remember anything. He stops eating. He stops sleeping. He stops talking. He stops making an effort to exist. He's forgotten how. He starts forgetting basic things. He retreats into his mind. The others notice but he doesn't.Can they help him in time, or is it too late?Not even Lance knows.Me kind of projecting onto Lance.





	Remember

**Author's Note:**

> Got this idea after on of my most recent depressive episodes. I get kinda detailed in some of it, fair warning. Kind of a vent fic but I've also been wanting to write a langst fic for a while. Basically it's me writing about Lance presenting his depression how mine presents itself during my bad episodes. Basically, forgetting things really easily, not sleeping, not eating, forgetting how to do basic things, even forgetting that you have to eat and sleep to survive, not talking for days on end, being really confused, stuff like that.
> 
> Comment & Kudos are appreciated. 
> 
> You can find me on tumblr as JoyfullyDreadful

He hasn't eaten in....he doesn't remember how long it's been. He hasn't slept for almost as long. He doesn't mean to. He just forgets. He forgets a lot of things nowadays. 

He thinks the team notices but he doesn't remember how they treated him before. He just knows that they look at him differently. He sits in his room mostly. Sometimes he thinks. Most times he just stares. His mind goes blank and he stays like that for hours. 

He was staring now. No thoughts. Just...nothing. It was a knock that pulled him out of his staring. It was coming from his door.

"Hey buddy...it's time for dinner. I made your favorite." a voice said from the other side of the door. _Who was it?_ He couldn't remember. He didn't recognize their voices anymore. He had to see them to tell them apart. He was standing at the door. _When did I get there?_ He doesn't remember. He opens the door and sees who's standing before him. _Who is it?_ He has to think for a moment. _It's Hunk._ He smiles at the man. This is Hunk. 

He doesn't remember exactly who Hunk is. He just knows that he's important. He doesn't know why. He chooses not to think about it too hard. If he thinks he gets lost and he doesn't want to get lost.

Hunk is walking away. He thinks he's supposed to follow him. He does. 

He's in the kitchen now. _I don't remember walking here._ He ignores the thought. He ignores everything he forgets. It's better that way. 

"Hey, Lance. How are you holding up?" A voice asks. He looks towards it. _Who is it?_ He thinks again. _That's Shiro_ his brain supplies. He nods. He know's he likes Shiro. He doesn't know why. He just does.

They're all staring at him, he realizes. They want him to answer. He forces a smile. "I'm fine" he says. He's lying. He doesn't even know what he's lying about. He just knows he is.

He's sitting at the table. He doesn't remember sitting down. A plate is placed in front of him. He stares at the hand. _Who's hand is it?_ He can't remember. He looks at the face. _That's Coran_ his mind tells him. The orange hair gives it away. The man, Coran, smiles at him. It's not a happy smile. He remember the man's happy smiles. This isn't one of them. He frowns. Has he made the man mad?

He looks back to his plate. _What food is this?_ He remembers the man-Hunk-told him it was his favorite. He doesn't remember what his favorite is. He doesn't remember anything he likes. Except for the people. He looks around the table. He remember he likes them. 

He looks back at the plate. He still can't remember what it is. "It's garlic knots" a small voice beside him provides. He looks over at it. _Pidge_ he remembers. He looks at the plate again. _Garlic knots._ That sounds..right to him. He thinks maybe it really is his favorite. 

He picks up a fork. He tries the food. It's good. He eats more, and he realizes he is starving. _When was the last time I ate?_ He asks himself. He realizes he can't remember. It's probably been a while.

His plate is empty. _Did I eat everything?_ He doesn't remember eating. He knows he did because he feels fuller. 

"Do you want more?" a voice asks. He looks up. _That's Hunk._ He shakes his head at the other boy. He's already forgotten his own hunger. 

"Lance..we're having a team training exercise. I think it would be nice if you participated." He looks at the speaker. She's pretty. _Allura,_ he remembers. He looks around. Everyone is staring at him. He nods. _Maybe it can help me remember_. He knows it probably won't but he has to try. 

They're in the recreation room. He doesn't remember how they got there. He tries not to think about it.

 _Why am I in the recreation room?_ He's already forgotten. He looks to the others in the room, hoping they can explain. A voice starts speaking from the corner. _It's Allura_.

She's explaining the exercise. It's a mind melding exercise. _What's that?_ He doesn't remember what mind melding is. A hand is on his shoulder. "You're gonna need this. We're opening our minds to each other." The voice is attached to the hand. He looks up at the face. The boy is pale. He has dark hair. He's holding out a...headpiece? _That's Keith. Take the headpiece_ his mind says

He listens to it. He takes the headpiece and puts it on. This seems to make the pale boy- _Keith_ \- relax. He looks around. Everyone else is wearing a headpiece too. He doesn't know why. He knows Keith told him what but he can't remember what he told him. He just knows it was important. 

The woman is speaking again. Her name is... _Allura?_ She's telling them that they're going to be opening their minds to each other. It's a trust exercise, she says. 

He thinks that sounds like a good idea. Maybe it can help him remember. He doesn't even know why he wants to remember. He just knows that he does. 

They're not in the recreation room anymore. They're someone else. He doesn't know where. He looks around. The others are here as well. 

Allura is speaking again. They're in some sort of......astral plane? It's where all of their minds connect.

 _Why are we here_? He's already forgotten what they're supposed to be doing. He knows where they are but he doesn't know why.

Someone is speaking. It's the smaller one. _Pidge._ They say they're gonna go first. _Go first in what?_ He tries to remember. _Memory sharing. Opening minds. Trust._ fragments of a memory erupt. _That's right_ he thinks. That's what.... _Allura?_ said they were going to do. Maybe this really will help.

They're in a...classroom? _Where am I? How did I get here?_ He doesn't remember coming here. 

The small one.. _Pidge_ is speaking again. It's their memory. School. Right before Matt left for Kerberos. _Who's Matt?_ He looks around. No one here is Matt. 

Another memory. They're somewhere else. He see's a ship. Pidge is there. They're talking to someone else. He looks like a taller version of Pidge. _Matt_ he remembers. _Pidge's Brother._ He hands Pidge his glasses. That's where they come from.

A new memory. The TV is on. A woman is crying. _Pidge's mom_. Pidge watches from the stair case. A ship has crashed. A mission gone wrong. _Kerberos._ It says that they're dead. _Who?_ He tries to remember. He knows he knows. _Matt. Pidge's Dad. Shiro._

Pidge is cutting off their hair. They sneak out. They have signed up for something. They arrive at a building. _The Garrison._ They enter.

They're on the garrison roof. He is there. So is.. _Hunk?_ Something crashes. _Shiro._ They try to rescue him. The pale boy shows up. _Keith._ He takes them to his shack.

They're all in a cave. He is standing in front of lion. _Blue. She's mine._ He knocks. She takes them in.

They're in the castle. Allura falls out of a pod. They are safe.

They're back in the astral plane. Pidge is crying. The others seem.....proud.

 _Why are they proud?_ He's already forgotten what he saw.

Keith is next. They start at a graveyard. _Keith's dad._ Keith is crying.

They're in a...... _Foster home?_ Keith is in a bed. He's crying again. He has a knife in his hand. It looks...familiar. He knows this knife.

They're back in the astral plane. _When did we get here?_ He knows there was more to Keith's memories. He just wasn't there for them. He does that sometimes. 

The tall man comes next. _Shiro._ They start at the Garrison. A tan man is there. _Adam._ _Shiro's fiance._ Shiro is smiling. He seems happy.

He retreats. He tunes it out. He doesn't mean to. He tries to return. They are back in the Astral plane.

The one who gave him food is next. _Hunk._

Lance isn't even there for the first memory.

He's back on the plane. They're telling him its his turn. _My turn for what?_ He can't remember what they want him to do.

 _Open your mind_ his brain says. That sounds right. 

He opens his mind.

They're in Cuba. A smaller version of himself sits on the beach. He is happy.

They're in America. He is pressed against a wall. 3 older boys are there. The leader of the group is hitting him. It's because he speaks Spanish.

That's the first time he starts to forget.

They are at his house. He isn't eating. He isn't speaking. He can't remember anything. His family is worried. They take him to a doctor.

That's when they hear it for the first time. He's depressed. Major depressive disorder. 

It all goes downhill from there.

He's at the garrison. There is where he has his second major episode.

_Useless. Cargo Pilot. Should've been like Keith. Not good enough. Nothing._

That's what everyone said.

It happened again. He stopped eating. Stopped Sleeping. Stopped talking. Stopped thinking. Stopped remembering.

He stayed like that for months.

It was Hunk that finally pulled him out of it. His only friend. Things were okay for a while after that.

They were at the castle now.

It happened again.

_Be more like Keith. Be more serious. Seventh Wheel. Useless. Should've done better. Should've been better. Worthless. Nothing._

That's what the team said. That's what he thought.

He dealt with it for a while. Until it got too much.

So he stopped eating. Stopped sleeping. Stopped thinking. Stopped talking. Stopped remembering. 

He's back in the astral plane.

The others are hugging him. _Why?_ They are apologizing. _What for?_ He doesn't remember what they did.

They are back in the recreation room. He looks around. Everyone is crying. _Why?_ He doesn't remember.

They say it's going to be okay. They're gonna be better. 

He closes his eyes and hugs them back. He doesn't remember what's gonna be better but he believes them.

Everything would be okay.


End file.
